If I had to describe myself, it would be in a word that has many meanings with a complexity which falls off the tongue.
A word made up of many elements, is deceptive in appearance, and creates an illusion from the imagination.
My word would be Phantasmagoric. ~Summer Ross

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Parents night before Christmas

Just something to share with assembly required....

A parent's night before Christmas

'Twas the night before Christmas when all through the house
I searched for the tools to hand to my spouse.
Instructions were studied and we were inspired,
In hopes we could manage "Some Assembly Required."
The children were quiet (not asleep) in their beds,
While Dad and I faced the evening with dread:
A kitchen, two bikes, Barbie's town house to boot!
And, thanks to Grandpa, a train with a toot!

Christmas Santa
We opened the boxes, my heart skipped a beat....
Let no parts be missing or parts incomplete!
Too late for last-minute returns or replacement;
If we can't get it right, it goes in the basement!

When what to my worrying eyes should appear,
But 50 sheets of directions, concise, but not clear,
With each part numbered and every slot named,
So if we failed, only we could be blamed.

More rapid than eagles the parts then fell out,
All over the carpet they were scattered about.
"Now bolt it! Now twist it! Attach it right there!
Slide on the seats, and staple the stair!
Hammer the shelves, and nail to the stand."
"Honey," said hubby, "you just glued my hand."

And then in a twinkling, I knew for a fact
That all the toy dealers had indeed made a pact
To keep parents busy all Christmas Eve night
With "assembly required" till morning's first light.

We spoke not a word, but kept bent at our work,
Till our eyes, they went bleary; our fingers all hurt.
The coffee went cold and the night, it wore thin
Before we attached the last rod and last pin.

Then laying the tools away in the chest,
We fell into bed for a well-deserved rest.
But I said to my husband just before I passed out,
"This will be the best Christmas, without any doubt.

Tomorrow we'll cheer, let the holiday ring,
And not have to run to the store for a thing!
We did it! We did it! The toys are all set
For the perfect, most perfect, Christmas, I bet!"

Then off to dreamland and sweet repose I gratefully went,
Though I suppose there's something to say for those self-deluded...
I'd forgotten that batteries are never included!


L. Diane Wolfe said...

That is perfect! Is that what I missed by not having kids?

Colene Murphy said...

Hahaha! Cute!!

Alex J. Cavanaugh said...

You need to do a video of you reading that!

B.E.T. said...

This is awesome! My family actually has a Christmas Eve tradition of reading one of these 'Twas The Night Before Christmas' parodies. I've never seen this one before, thanks for this! :)

Budd said...

I must be strange, I like putting things together. I can have a bike assembled before most people can get it out of their car.

Old Kitty said...

Oh no!! Afterall that hard work and no batteries!! LOL!!

Yay!! This is EXCELLENT!! I really and truly enjoyed this - brilliant! Thanks for sharing! take care

Jules said...

Man that was great. My response to missing parts has always been duct tape :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Jemi Fraser said...

Love it!!

This brings back so many memories!! thanks :)

Laura Marcella said...

I love poems inspired by Clement Moore's "A Visit from St. Nicholas"! This one is fantastic. I always say Christmas is the most fun when you are a kid or then probably when you have kids of your own. I have no kids yet, so I take back the latter, LOL! ;)

Eric W. Trant said...

I get frustrated trying to get all the action figures and dolls out of the twist-tie packages.

And God help us if we have electronics (which this year we do).


- Eric

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