If I had to describe myself, it would be in a word that has many meanings with a complexity which falls off the tongue.
A word made up of many elements, is deceptive in appearance, and creates an illusion from the imagination.
My word would be Phantasmagoric. ~Summer Ross

Thursday, March 24, 2011

My ending

You remember that paragraph of description I posted a few weeks ago. I had to write an 11 page paper about one of my experiences in my Creative Nonfiction Class, well here is my ending paragraph- what do you think?

She wanders out of my sight, but I do not feel like moving my head to watch her. My body is heavy, but there is no pain. I felt my lips settle on a smile. The pain is not there, and it should not come back, at least not like it was. My optimist comes out from hiding. I can sense things have changed, I am not chilled anymore, and relief settles in my chest like a lullaby. I can hear other people moving around in the room, but I do not care. I just want to lie on the bed snuggled into the warmth of the blanket. I know tomorrow is a new day, nothing like the previous, and eventually all the pain will just be a thing I remember to write about

13 comments:

N. R. Williams said...

I love 'relief settles like a lullaby.' Excellent in my opinion.
Nancy

The Golden Eagle said...

I love your paragraph--especially the way you described the experience!

Clarissa Draper said...

I like it! I felt her relief. Her optimism. You did use 'settle' twice.

Summer Ross said...

Thanks for letting me know Clarissa! I'll get it fixed in my word document.

Old Kitty said...

Awwww it's lovely!!!!!! It's full of hope and optimism and relief!!!! I really like this!!! Well done you! take care
x

Lynda R Young said...

great paragraph. I love the positive feel you've captured.

Jules said...

I don't remember the opening but the ending rocks! Flow and emotion :)(Sorry to many allergy drugs to remember the start).
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Jules said...

I just commented on the other post showing up. Are you messing with me because I'm on allergy medicine? :)
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow

Margo Benson said...

This is absolutely lovely, Summer. I can feel the hope and relief and yet you've made it so gentle. Excellent!

Lisa Ricard Claro said...

Hi Summer - Very well done. My favorite line is "My optimist comes out from hiding." I like the way it sounds and the image it brings. I enjoyed the reading!

Thanks fro coming to my blog and following. I've followed you right back! I hope you'll have time to visit again and participate in Book Blurb Friday. It's a lot of fun. :)

Witless Exposition said...

I love the personification of optimism. Good closing paragraph!

Dawn M. Hamsher said...

I liked it. Very well described. I especially like "My body is heavy, but there is no pain. I felt my lips settle on a smile." and "I just want to lie on the bed snuggled into the warmth of the blanket."

Suzanne said...

I like all of it, but especially the last sentence.

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