Thank you everyone who is participating in my blogfest and making it fantastic with so many different writers! You all are wonderful darlings! I intend on reading each and every one of your works.
Don't forget to check out my side bar for upcoming Blogfests!
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So without further dribble here's my entry...(Of course its a rough draft, but don't be afraid I take crits very well)
One question I impose on you: I put two names for my MC which one should I use? Layna or Layne? Let me know in the comments below....
Layna removed the green ribbon draped over her front door. The sleek material slid easily through her fingers as she walked inside her apartment. Bewildered by how the ribbon found its way to her, she slinked down on the couch to examine it. Whoever left the ribbon, didn't provide a note on it, perhaps a joke from one of her friends?
Suddenly, the ribbon curled around Layna's wrist. Surprised she thrust her arm forward. The material snaked up to her shoulder tickling like fingertips tracing a pattern on her flesh. She had no time to react.
"Layne! We need to go. What's taking so long?" Ashton asked. He walked right in the front door.
Layne looked up at her boyfriend and stashed her arm behind her back. "Sorry, I was distracted. But I'll grab the box right now." She moved around the couch and picked up the gift wrapped in gold, unsure if she should tell him about the ribbon.
"What's wrong? Did I walk in on something?" His dark eyes searched the small room and settled on her arm.
The ribbon tightened, heat swelled against her flesh and then dissipated.
"Nothings wrong. I just saw a note on the door from the landlord and was reading it real quick. I didn't meant to take so long."
Ashton took two long strides and lightly grabbed her arm. He pulled it forward. To Layna's astonishment the ribbon had vanished.
"See it's fine." Layne shifted the box in her other arm and headed for the door.
"Well then where's the note?"
"I left it by the couch, come on or we'll be late." Layna gingerly tugged him toward the door. She didn't understand why she kept the ribbon from him, but some sixth sense told her he shouldn't know.
Ashton paused briefly, then relented to Layna's pull. He walked out ahead of her and she took the opportunity to glance quickly at her arm. Nothing.
She looked on the floor as she turned to walk out, but the ribbon wasn't there. Her arm tingled and her eyes flashed down. Four green words appeared.
"Shh its a secret..." Then it vanished.
24 comments:
I like Layne because it's a little more original. :)
Hi,
This is a really good opening and the ribbon so intriguing. Such a pity there's no more, no explanation. I hate it when I'm left in limbo! ;)
best
F
I like Layna also. I'm sorry I tried to find the entry for your blog fest but I guess in my state of Vertigo I did not see it. :(
I love your entry though.
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
I like Layne, too. Like Jennifer said, it's orginal and it goes well with Ashton.
And from this little blurp--you've got me hooked on ribbon. ;-)
~JD
I love how you wove the theme of your blogfest into the last line of your post!
wishing you the best for this fest and for all the good things happening to your right now..enjoy!
Definitely prefer Layne.
Wow, this was so great! I love the ending. I would definitely read on.
NICE JOB!! Layne just flows better off the tongue when reading this!
Very cool, I want to know more. Nice writing and good intrigue.
Neat story. Still needs a little polishing, though. I vote for Layna.
Cool entry! I love the ribbon and yes, Layne flows much better than Layna.
I'm a late entry to your fest, I hope you don't mind!
Tessa.x
Oh definitely Layna! I like the two syllable name better!
What a fab story!! Wow that ribbon is so spooky!
Take care
x
This was fantastic!!! I vote for Layne I think it works very well in this piece! Either route I think you'll do well!!
Okay so I must confess, whenever I sign up for a blog fest I need reminding, and for some reason your blog fest button never made it to my sidebar and I had since forgotten!!!! I'm going to pray that I can whip something up this afternoon and have it posted tomorrow, but at this rate I think I'll have to miss it! Just know I don't love you any less, I'm just forgetful and the in-laws made it even harder to remember!
Jen~ No worries. Thanks for letting me know :)
Tessa~~ I don't mind at please do join us!
Summer, I'm gonna have to vote Layna on this one. Just sounds better to me.
Loved your entry. Ashton creeps me out a little bit, though. Seems like he'll smack Layna any second if she doesn't move those boxes.
And the ribbon...I'm intrigued.
Sharde
I like Layna a bit more.
I like Layna. I tend to think of Layne as a boy's name, so it confused me even though I knew who it was. LOL.
I love the idea of the ribbon, but I'm wondering if you don't need to play up her lack of an emotional response when it grabs her. Otherwise, I don't believe her reaction. If a ribbon grabbed me and wrapped itself around me, I'd be freaking out. LOL But if we see her thoughts and reasons for her reaction, then we understand it. Otherwise, great beginning!
Excellent post and blogfest. Creepy, intriguing and I want to know more.
I'd go with Layna because when I see Layne I kinda think of it as "lain" instead of " lay-nee".
I prefer Layna... I like names that end in vowels.
The secrecy aspect of the story and the ribbon makes it more compelling. Didn't know you had a blogfest going. Best wishes and thanks for stopping by my blog.
Elizabeth
I'm so sorry. I'm such a schmuck. I totally dropped the ball on the blogfest today. :( I had it half wrote last night and didn't think about my entry again until just moments ago. I suck. :(
I'll cast my vote on Layne.
I'm dying to know what happened to the ribbon, what secrets are tied to it and how on earth the words appeared on her arm. Great entry.
Even though I slacked, I'll try to make a few rounds to others blogs and comment on their entries as well.
Summer this piece builds well. I love the tension. An intriguing premise.
I'm posting today, while the internet is blowing hot.
Layne if she is more tomboy. Layna if she is more girly?
And I love animating objects. The ribbon has become a character of its own. The end moment and line was perfect and fitting of the fest.
BTW, sorry such a late start. Yesterday had me running all over the place till I dropped. But I posted this morning.
Congrats on your Blogfest and many more...when you have time. ;-D
Thanks too everyone who commented- i really appreciate it! I'll tally up and see about the names, I think Layna is winning, thanks for all of your help friends!
Ooh spooky little ribbon! It ended rather abruptly, which suggested to me that there is more of the story to be told? Would love to read on! As for the MC's name, I like Layna being her name, and Layne perhaps a shortened version used by her closer friends?
Thanks for hosting this cool blogfest!
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