Today I'm giving you a description, because writing stories relies upon the ability to describe something on a page that a reader can see, feel, touch, or hear. I'm picking the description I think is best out of all my writing so far, it will only be a single paragraph.
The air coats my small body in a cool wrapper. I place my hands under my back to keep them warm. The fan kicks on from the ceiling and a fresh breeze drifts between my legs. I shiver at the delicate touch of the airs’ fingertips. My toes are not frozen but they are ice cold when I sit up and place them Indian style under my legs. From the high point of the bed, I can see the white marble textured floor. It is glazed over letting my deformed reflection stare back at me asking how much longer I must wait. My heart pounds in my chest as I hear feet scuffle across the floor outside the room. The door is blocking everyone from view. Its small silver handle turns slowly as if it is relishing in my anticipation. The light from the ceiling flickers a quick blink and I think back to how I got here.
What did you picture as you read this?
17 comments:
I picture a patient in a hospital room - very alone, very small, dwarfed by her surroundings and scared witless!!!
Lovely description - thank you! Take care
x
Sounds like the victim of a kidnapping into white slavery. Brrr!
a little girl sitting up in a big bed in a cold room... I stayed in a room w/a marble floor once. VERY cold.
I like this very much, and not just b/c it's chilly today! Thanks, Summer~ :o)
You're writing is tight and very strong. An excellent excerpt. I thought of someone waiting for surgery in a hospital bed.
Nancy
N. R. Williams, The Treasures of Carmelidrium.
A prison, with bright strip lights on the ceiling.
I love the way you described it. :)
Very cold feel to this! I can feel the cold toes.
I pictured an asylum, an expensive one, due to the fan and white marble floor. Or you are in Hollywood and have just had your face redone.
I like your writing, too~ Well Done!
Birth!
Prison... hospital... plastic surgery room... whatever it is, it's very evocative!
Agree with everyone else, this is great! I pictured someone being held captive. It gave me the chills just to read this, well done!
Great job! I first thought, hospital. But, no, there's something creepy here, trouble awaits.
An expensive asylum is what I imagined too.
I pictured people under siege by a mighty blizzard, locked out of the house accidentally.
I pictured a small lost soul, one time forgot. What a description!
Jules @ Trying To Get Over The Rainbow
i think you may be in a relative or friend's house,
or a college student in a new dorm,
or a traveler in a motel/hotel...
love the way your words speak.
beautiful descriptions.
I also thought of a prison or an asylum.
I felt alone and in solitary confinement..nothing warm or comforting to the room. Totally blank and cold. Really great piece. Thanks for sharing!
Post a Comment